October 23, 2002 - We were going to heaven but Doug lost the directions

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"And we -- in the talk, I'm going to talk about -- there's been current -- modern-day sacrifices. We still fight people who hate civilization. It was -- or at least, civilization that we love, they can't stand freedom."
-- Increasingly incoherent in press conference with French President Jacques Chirac, Paris, France, May 26, 2002

Information on Richard Jacobson

October 26, 2002
We Were Going to Heaven but Doug Lost the Directions

Friday night in Wichita, what is a Maggot Punk to do. Fascist nominee for governor Tim Shallenburger was having a rally in Old Town. The Punks were there for a different reason but were pleased to encounter some antis as they grovel before their dictator wannabee. We said hello to Randy and chatted up some nonsense. Richard Jacobson, German citizen running for office, was also there along with Joker look-alike Donna Lipholdt and terrorist companion Bob. Randy was unaware that Jacobson wasn't an American citizen, having renounced citizenship in 1993. That would make his attempt for office illegal, but religious fanatics aren't bothered by election laws. Hey, if Shallenburger can lie about Sebelius then why can't Jacobson lie about his citizenship?

We told the police the Shallenburger signs were on public property but they said the fascist crew reserved the space so we couldn't take them until they leave. So we went on with our business. Spunkyflasher, D-cubed, Arkaday Filkop and Princess Regalia distributed 300 anti-Tiahrt flyers under the windshields of Old Town patrons that night. The only negative response was from a woman thoroughly disgusted that people would be putting out pro-Tiahrt literature. Spunky had to inform her that we were anti-Tiahrt which made the woman very happy. After that we had some beers and talked about Spanish history and the rifts between the Communists and Anarchists in Spain.

Churches, hide your Christians!

Annie gets her lecture on morals.

Spunky and D-cubed then met up with DOLS and Annie Sprinkles for some more fun. It's Friday and the Punks went to church to hear about the great plan Jeebus has for us. It isn't like we heard it before but this night was Judgment House (spelled Jugdement House on one of the directional signs). It was a smaller crowd this year since two other churches were putting on the show. Walking in the door we were warmly greeted and one of the organizers said she would try to get us in as quickly as she could. She probably saw Annie's piercing and leather jacket and figured she was a Unitarian.

No cameras were allowed inside, the poor acting skills might have been hampered by the flash photography. The story was slightly different than last year but like fundy End-Tymz movies they all follow the same theme. This year a boy and girl both had cancer. One accepted Jesus and went to heaven, the other didn't and went to hell. Bet you never saw that one coming. Best performance of the evening was by Kelly's dad in the hospital when his son died. Worst performance was in the end room by the Christian counselor who was trying to create an intelligent argument for the validity of the Christian myth.

After we went through heaven and met Jeebus we went to a room where a Christian counselor was supposed to get us to accept Jeebus that night. He said that our beliefs didn't matter because his beliefs were the correct one and he was speaking as god's prophet. Pretty sure of himself he said that we could have faith that there isn't gravity and jump off the room. We could try that but if our faith is wrong about gravity why should we assume it would be correct about the afterlife? He insisted he was right because he knew of a passage in the bible, then he encouraged to say his prayer. Of course he missed the fact that Jeebus forbid prayer performances in Matthew 6:5-6 but fundies pick and choose those passages which are convenient. The fundies insisted that all Christians needed to be saved was faith, to be born again is the metaphor Jeebus used. If that's the case then Jeebus was just talking crap when he encouraged people to be charitable to the needy (Matt 19:21). Of course it says in Daniel 9:9 that God forgives even those who rebelled against him so faith isn't even necessary for salvation. But since there isn't any money in those doctrines they are rejected as being ungodly. Might as well mention that they portrayed Lucifer as god's nemesis rather than his servant as he is displayed in the Bible. The Punks couldn't take this church at it's word about the Bible since they contradicted

If there's no gay porn in heaven then Annie ain't gonna go.

So, damned as we are for being biblically accurate we went to Kirby's to down some beer and a porn shop. After all, if heaven doesn't have gay porn then Annie doesn't want to go.

Princess Regalia finds another victim.

No car is safe from the Maggot Punks.

Book of the Day: Censored 2003 (by Project Censored)

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