After a hard night of sacrificing goats and thinking all sorts of subversive things (women's rights, church/state separation, etc.) Dig Doug Deeper awakens to horror that is his sock drawer. All of his socks have been stolen in the middle of the night. The perpetrator: none other than the Drunk Moron, Jeff Herzog. Since no one will pay anything for his wife Michelle, Jeff has taken to selling socks then buying cheap mouthwash at the dollar store.

D-Cubed springs out of bed and heads for the central clinic to confront Jeff about the sock stealing. When he arrives, it is no suprise that Jeff is drunk and it's only 9am. Turns out that Jeff got an Aqua Velva gift set for his birthday this week and slammed it down in two shots.

Now he is standing out in the middle of the street holding a sign that says "Save the Toucans" (pictured above). He is yelling at cars "break your covenant with death". Annie was so embarrassed by him that she made an impromptu sign apologizing for the drunk moron running around in the street. When the police

showed up, they were powerless to do anything because being drunk and disorderly is part of his religion. We tried to keep him out of the street as much as possible.

Meanwhile, the chicken lady, AKA Dixie Selenke was parading up and down the alley shouting at the wall. Nothing of substance was coming out of her mouth. We gave her a can of whole kernel corn and that shut her up for a while. Bob Hagen (pictured above) was trolling the alley looking for ... who knows. After a while his nephew Pee Wee, AKA Michael Hagen showed up. We approached him and tried to be nice. We got the same scowl that we usually do.

Dixie continued yelling in the alley until the Maggot Punks went down to feed her again, and she ran to the back of the property and the cover of Bob and Pee Wee.

Our good buddy Timmy showed up at Central. His ego was a bloated and delusional as ever. He told us that since Phil Kline is going to put all abortion doctors in jail in November (even though he can't take office until January) we would be losing our "job". He offered to do us a "favor". He says he will help us look for work.

Tim, are you really so delusional as to believe that you could help us find a job? We have a real education and we don't think you have any idea as to how to help us in a job market that demands an education. Are we supposed to be grateful that you have offered to help us? One other fact, Tim; we do not get paid to be patient escorts.

Tim did get a little rowdy but we calmed him down. Click here to hear an audio file of the incident (0:02 93kb).

Troy Newman and Brenna Sullenger made their nominal appearance for 30 minutes today. Troy actually gets paid to protest abortion clinics. He's just slacking off since the boss man (Flip Benham) isn't in town. Its doubtful that we will see him again until next week.

Across town, the FFF's were presenting a pathetic little demonstration in front of WHCS. Jenny was standing out front exploiting her daughter. Dan Thompson and Spencer Bragg showed up a little later. They stood about 100 yards from the gate and talked to each other for an hour or so. Looks like Dan is adopting the "do nothing" tactics of Troy Newman. He is your hero after all, right Dan?

A hygienically challenged loser showed up a

little later. We call him Bible Man because he acts like a super hero on the corner. He was an embarrassment to the human race not to mention the FFF's who were there.

D-Cubed ask Donna Lipholdt about the fictional lawsuit that she threatened us with. Bible man didn't seem to like his tone and told DDD to "cool it".

Quivering in fear, DDD told him he'd repent for his sins, bow down before his mighty authority and be a good Christian from now on. Starting tomorrow...maybe... probably not.

After that Donna was punked out and fled down to Kellogg.

Bob drove across town, minus his nephew Pee Wee, because there are usually more kids at WHCS. When he walked by we told Jenny to watch Bob being around her daughter. Figuring he wasn't having any luck at the

gate, he went down to the corner to join Donna.

The Maggot Punks stomped down to Kellogg to visit Donna and Bob. D-cubed was standing on the property minding his own business when Bob trespassed and tried to ram-rod DDD. We told Bob to get his shriveled ass off the property and to stop assaulting people. He went down to the bridge and didn't come within 100 feet of us for the rest of the day.

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