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The Maggot Punks

January 24, 2007

A Cry For Attention

What flops more than a live fish on a boat? What sucks more than Ted Haggard in a hotel room with a gay prostitute? What blows more than Bush's empty rhetoric in a State of the Union Address? Well that would be a huge anti-abortion rally held by Troy Newman's Operation Rescue (previously Operation Rescue West but they decided to usurp the traditional name from the actual Operation Rescue).

Troy tried to milk attention from Bill O'Reilly like Ted Haggard would, oh wait, I already used Ted. Nevermind. Anyway, Troy boasted about the great force that was Troy Newman and Operation Rescue. Cheryl Sullenger, recently off a binge finishing off a truckload of unsold Pepper Ridge Farm summer sausages claimed they'd have over 200 protesters fighting imagined injustice. Their turnout was slightly larger than creationist Kent Hovind's prison sentence with a mere 30 people showing up for the first day.

Only 30 people? Troy shipped in about six people from out of state, Operaton Rescue's members were about five, Ken Reed probably shipped in a few of his 10 children (none adopted probably), so if you accurately count Robert Ferguson as two people that makes around a dozen people brought in from the community who probably normally protest the clinic.

Why the reason for such a failure? Well for one Troy pissed off Operation Save America a while back and they would have nothing to do with making Troy look good. They could have brought in at least a 100 people. Then the churches wanted to distance themselves from these domestic terrorists and tax cheats so they didn't endorse the events. The average age of Bill O'Reilly's viewers is 70 years and they just like to hear him in the background until Matlock comes on. So Troy had to rely on his charm and charisma to lure people. Hence the poor turnout.

Furious with the fact that a woman has a job Troy took his cronies to Nola Foulston's office to harass her. Annoyed with their constant efforts for attention so they can masturbate to themselves on television she rebuffed them with a statement telling them to essentially go home, get a job and clean off the sticky stuff from your tv screen. Troy was later seen on the news throwing a temper tantrum like the little whiney bitch that he is.

The next day wasn't much better as Troy put the pictures on his website revealing a whole host of six people out protesting the clinic. Apparently the news crews didn't bother with this non-event. However that doesn't disturb Troy who is just in this for the attention and money. So like a sequel to Battlefield Earth Troy has the equally bad idea of trying again in May when the weather is warmer. People, while the antis believe that abortion is murder, they really only believe it during the spring and summer months.

May huh? That gives Troy another four full months to beg for cash to present us with another failure. Seeing that this one was a big flop he probably just pocketed a bunch of cash and is eagerly awaiting more vast sums from more guillible suckers. Perhaps the media will stay home in May since it will probably be another non-event.

For another, and better, perspective on the event go to Talk2Action's story, Birds of a Feather. Thanks to field reporter Suzanne for the photos.

January 10, 2007

Contract With Crazy

It's a good thing to wake up and find little gems in your inbox that don't involve offers of home mortgages, penis size increasers, or to help some guy in Nigeria by giving him your bank account number. Today I receive a labor contract drawn up by crazed wife beater and tax cheat Mark Gietzen.

The contract is for Ric Dugan who, like many anti-abortion militants in Wichita, came from out of state, his being Illinois where he just lost a campaign for political office. Here in Wichita he was up on some criminal charges possibly associated with rushing the stage with to confront the overwhemingly popular Attorney General Paul Morrison during a debate with the unpopular criminal Phill Kline.

Ric "Braveheart" Dugan hasn't been seen at the clinic for quite some time so it may be safe to assume that he'd rather go back to lovely Chicago rather than be interred in Mark's basement begging for permission to go to the bathroom.

Gietzen who allegedly runs the Christian Singles Exchange (not registered as a business with the state of Kansas) is also the head of the Kansas Republican Coalition for Life which basically does nothing, is also the owner of Gietzen Aerial Service which is a single airplane which Gietzen owes taxes on, and is the head of Kansas Republican Action Assembly which endorses candidates who lose

elections. Pretending to be an important person and great leader means you need a lackey. What better person to have than a person who is destitute and homeless? So he found the very desperate Ric Dugan.

Among the tasks that Ric must have done is to sleep at night and have his bed made in the morning before travelling down to the basement. Sounds more like chores for a child doesn't it? Wait, it gets better. Ric can't touch any of the candy kept in the six jars on the top shelf of the kitchen cabinet. Not just don't eat my candy sort of claim, but don't touch the mysterious jars of six which was never a plot line in an Indiana Jones movie. Presumably if one of the jars isn't on the kitchen counter it's okay. Either Ric has a sweet tooth or Mark is very possessive about his Tootsie Rolls.

Most labor contracts are agreements about certain labor tasks and complaince with labor laws. Mark's apparently hires people not to eat candy and to make their bed. Heck, I don't even know why it's necessary for someone who works in a basement to be dressed and shaved like he's showing fax machines at an Office Depot. Perhaps it's because Mark always wears the same stupid shirt, tie and pocket protector so he wants everyone around him to look just as geeky.

So this may be the reason why Ric isn't at the clinic anymore. He possibly went back to Chicago and allegedly took the red stapler too.

January 01, 2007

Top 10 Religious Events for 2006

I tried to shy away from a cheesy year in roundup but last year had so many strange events for 2006 that a flashback is just pure enjoyment.

10. Pope Benedict made a comment about how Islam is a really violent religion. Claiming he was just quoting someone else and didn't share the sentiments he figured Muslims were equally as guillible. Pope Benedict lived up to his chosen name "Been a dick" by forgetting over a thousand years of Catholic history which involved bloody crusades, the Inquisition, hundreds of thousands of "witch" burnings and opposition to the curing and prevention of STDs.

9. Da Vinci Code was a rather bad movie filled with numerous historical errors. Despite clearly being a bad movie religious kooks protested the movie and demanded that it be banned. As a result throngs of curious people went to see a movie they wouldn't have bothered with. As a result it pulled in a good profit and resulted in a lot of conversation about the very same subject fundies would rather not have discussed.

8. Jesus Camp was a low budget documentary about an obscure Christian cult that had a camp every summer. During this camp children were brainwashed to pray to Bush and encouraged to literally lay down their lives for Jesus. Having exposed the inner workings of fundy brainwashing to the public many grew upset with mainstream fundamentalism and the summer camp shut down. Ted Haggard made an appearance in the movie commenting how unbiblical and sinful homosexuality is. Nobody expected the irony to come later.

7. Kent Hovind was in court for charges of tax evasion and other crimes. Not presenting a defense in court the judge found him guilty on all counts and can face up to 228 years in prison. Hovind supporters complained that Hovind was a freedom fighter like colonial Americans who fought against the 1765 Stamp Act proving that Hovind isn't just ignorant about science but history as well. In 1777 the first congress and President Washington passed a Stamp Act that taxed the very same thing the British taxed in 1765. America's disagreement with the 1765 Act was that they were being taxed without proper governmental representation.

6. The midterm elections led to extreme religious right wingers to be ousted out of office. The self-righteous pious fundy Republicans like Tom Delay, Ralph Reed, Richard Pombo, Rick Santorum and Bob Ney were mired in scandal and imcompetence the voters just threw them out of office. Sam Brownback wasn't up for re-election this year so he avoided the Republican exodus where Democrats gained more seats in Congress than the so-called Republican revolution of 1994. Brownback hasn't got a clue and still thinks a pro-war, pro-spending, tax cuts for the rich, anti-science and Jesus freak platform will win him the Presidency in 2008 and he's started campaigning for the spot ensuring he may be the top joke of 2007.

5. Operation Rescue lost their tax-exempt status. As reported here the efforts of the Maggot Punks and Catholics for a Free Choice the IRS revoked the non-profit status of ORW. Cheryl Sullenger claimed they voluntarily gave up their status althought the IRS clearly stated that they revoked it. When queried by the MP Troy Newman lashed out in anger and attacked D-Cubed while carrying his infant daughter in his arm. ORW still hasn't mentioned on their website that donations to the organization are no longer tax deductible thereby creating the possibility that more people will get in trouble with the IRS.

4. A Danish newspaper published some cartoons that were claimed to be the image of Muhammad, Islam's child molesting prophet (don't tell OSA they may send him a membership form). As a result thousands of militant fundies found another reason to protest the image of them being violent by destroying things and attacking people. Problem is that none of them actually know what Muhammad looks like prompting the removal of turban and moustache Mr. Potato Head accessories to be removed from shelves in case some nut mistakes a potato head for Muhammad.

3. Phill Kline is a real git. He was elected by clueless Republicans (many of whom became less clueless and voted for Morrison this year) and rabid Antis despite having little job experience. He led a crusade against abortion even hiring a terrorist to run the consumer protection division of his office (and hired his nephew to be his driver despite anti-nepotism laws). He tried to get in the private medical records of adult women to protect them from pedophiles. And lately he's filed frivilous charges against Dr. Tiller in his last days as attorney general (the charges were dropped the same day). He's appointed bad singer and Tiller protester Don "the dingo" McKinney to be an "unbiased" independent prosecutor. He barely got voted in as district attorney in Johnson County (where he received little support in the election) by a slim majority of pricinct committepeople. He also violated campaign laws and was fined twice for it. Yet he still wants to protect us from lawbreakers, go figure.

2. In what nearly proved Loki's existence Atheist authors Sam Harris and Richard Dawkins made the New York Times best sellers list for book criticizing religion and promoting Atheism as the rational, reality based alternative. Perhaps it's because a large quiet populace has started to come out of the proverbial closet, or even more are sick of hypocritical religious figures and self-righteous politicians. Whatever the case the last time Atheist authors have been so widely accepted and talked about was Col. Robert Ingersoll spoke to sold out audiences.

1. Ted Haggard proved to be the biggest surprise of the year. The leader of a huge, 14,000 member megachurch in Colorado, head of the National Association of Evangelicals, noted author, Bush supporter and a guy who made a cameo in Jesus Camp preaching against the sin of homosexuality was outed as a homosexual, by his male prostitute. Ted because a bigger joke when he admitted that he had bought meth (often used to enhance the experience of oral sex) but threw it away. A recording of his voice asked his prostitute to get some meth and put some extra in inventory, probably in case he wanted to stop by at any time to throw more meth away. He claimed he was just seeing a muscular, attractive gay man purely for massages (whether he was lying on his front or back was never mentioned), but he was just engaging in some old fashioned, sinful buggery. His prostitute outed him when he realized that Haggard was a conservative, Republican Christian preacher who was campainging against the civil rights of gays. On the positive side Haggard supported action to combat global warming which, in the evangical crowd, could have made him #1 on the list anyway.

Book of the month: Freedom Evolves by Daniel Dennett

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