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The Maggot Punks

November 08, 2006

Antis Lose Big

Operation Rescue provided the kiss of death with practically all of their candidates losing their candidacy. Theocrats were ousted by large margins. Kathleen Sebelius cruised to an easy victory. Sharing her victory was Paul Morrison who was constantly assailed by Operation Rescue. Bonnie Huy lost to Raj Goyle. Nutters Jan Beemer lost to Judy Loganbill. Dennis Moore defeated Chuck Ahner who was also endorsed by ORW's PAC, Kansans For Truth in Politics. I might as well add the defeat started early with Connie Morrie and Kay O'Connor losing in the primary.

Kansas voters made it clear that the politics of terror of Operation Rescue are not popular. People are more interested in the well-being of Kansans and for freedom than the pro-theocratic views of an extremist, violent minority like Operation Rescue. The sentiments were shared throughout the nation. In South Dakota the law practically banning all abortion was overturned. In Missouri pro-science forces passed an initiative allowing for life saving stem cell research. And in Calfornia the populace rejected a parental notification law.

November 06, 2006

Spunky's Fishing Blog

I did various chores around the house and still had the fishing bug. I thought about maybe trying to catch a cat fish, but then I had a genius idea, why don't I go for the new Kansas fishing sport, fishing for medical records.

I headed down to Dr Tillers. I really hoped that you don't need a special Medical Records Permit. But hell, how would I know, I only found out last night that I needed a Trout permit. I met my friends down the street and headed to the clinic. It turns out that there is a Phill Kline Press Conference. So my prey had changed, instead of fishing for

medical records, I could use medical records to catch an attorney general!!! I baited up my hook with some juicy confidential medical records and jumped in the crowd.

I was almost like old times. Brad Bennett, Donna Lipholdt, Dave Gittrich, Jeff Herzog, and of course the Sullinger Mother and Daughter team. Being the joiner I am I tried to fit in with the crowd. But I think they knew that we don't really mesh politically. In fact some of the Kline supporters were down right rude. One bitch next to me told her friend, "hold me back I might hit somebody". I'm very sensitive and if that cunt is reading this, you really hurt my feelings.

One guy decided to try to sign fight me. Let me tell you son, don't

bring a yard sign to a fishing pole fight. He tried to hold his sign up to block me, Hey Retard, I have a six foot pole!!! We did our sign dance for a while, there was a camera there after all. Then I got bored and headed on down the line. It was at that time that I heard applause, I turned around and saw my prey. I headed back to the hot spot, and as luck would have it, I was there front row with my friends, all five of them. It's really amazing how crazy fundies are intimidated by boobies.

I did get a shout out for the Maggotpunks. Kline was asking which press was there. The reporters with cameras shouted out the names of their organizations, so I did my own, "I'm with the Maggotpunks, but I don't have a camera". I still don't understand why I wasn't taken seriously. My friends say it was because of the fishing pole, I think it was because I didn't have a fancy notebook. But I was able to later get one of the "press packets", if that's what you call a stack of website pages.

Multiple assaults occurred during the actual press conference. Those damn Kline supporters can't help themselves from assaulting the minority. I had some little puke pull on my fishing line to try to remove my sign from above Klines head. Then old baldy who had earlier engaged me into the sign fight try to cut my line with nail clippers. After that baldy kept hitting me in the head with his yard sign to try to knock off my hat. Lux had some old fart pushing her. Another gal in my group had freaky camcorder guy harassing her. Lucky for her a Kline security guard shoved the creepy dude back. After , Kline was escorted 20 feet away to continue. It was at this time that he broke into pep rally mode.

I didn't really listed to what Kline said at all during the first round of bullshit. But once he hit pep rally mode I kind of paid attention. He was rallying the troops about how unhappy he was about Tiller promoting child rape. I finally couldn't contain myself. I loudly vocalized how unhappy I was about the way Crime Victim's Compensation Fund was ran and about how unhappy I was about waiting five months for my rapist's aid's test result, I think my unhappiness fell upon deaf ears. Shortly after all the unhappiness the press conference was over, but the fun continued.

We started walking away from the crowd and some old dude informed me that I had "problems", I asked if he was going to be one of those and he continued walking. Then some other guy engaged me in a discussion. He asked if I'd ever known anyone who went to Tiller's because the girls he's known walked out of there crying and full of regret. I informed him that I too had walked out of there, but with a sigh of relief. He then wanted to talk about the evil of abortion. I too talked about evil. He had this younger girl with him. I asked if it was his wife or daughter. It turns out it was his daughter who was pregnant at 14. I inquired if her privacy had been violated about her young pregnancy, turns out there was no problem since the donor had also been of young age. This makes no sense to me. If Kline's whole fishing expedition is based on these medical records to find older men who impregnate young girls and intimidate them into getting an abortion, who's to say that these older men won't impregnate girls and intimidate them into saying it was another young teen who knocked them up? I just don't know.

Me thinks Phill Kline does not really care about the victims, but rather about going after clinics, I know sounds crazy.

The last joy of the evening came when returning to car. We were walking down the street and saw convicted bomber Cheryl Sullinger giving an interview to somebody and we just yelled "bomber, bomber". Brenna was nearby and so we asked her how it felt to be a daughter of a bomber. She didn't answer so I did my own re-enactment. Picture it, mother's day at the Sullinger's:

Brenna: Hi Mom, here's your present.

Cheryl: On TNT for Mother's Day, Again??? Yeahhhhhh!

Ok, maybe you had to be there.

Well overall I'd say the fishing forecast was awesome. Stay tuned, next weekend I will catch a Catfish, I can feel it.

November 06, 2006

Leave it to Beemer

As a public service the Maggot Punks bring you the arrest records of Rethuglican 86th precinct candidate Jan L. Beemer. Jan, whose party loves to claim they are the party of responsibility and accountability (the opposite of secrecy, honesty, wasteful deficit spending and corruption which they are today), would have to be a hypocrite to have a lengthy rap sheet and be running for office. Next thing you know moral crusading televangelist Ted Haggard will be doing meth with a male prostitute while getting a BJ.

Here's one , a defective tail light. That's pretty common, the police give you a 'fix-it' ticket and you simply get it repaired and signed off. Heck, the police rarely check if it's actually been fixed. Taking 30 minutes out of your day solves this problem. Jan was probably too busy travelling around porn shops to get this done. I'm sure she was just "researching" the porn for her role in the defunct Operation Southwind.

Jan also had a problem getting her tags renewed. The DMV knows people sometimes forget about their reminder, it's just mailed in a huge envelope with blaring letters telling you to get your tags renewed. Some people might get distracted by porn or something. Well, Jan got distracted by something and didn't renew her tags.

Marital problems are sometimes caused by things like alcoholism or obsession with pornography. Such issues can cause a spouse or partner to lash out in violence. The problem is that if you do, it's illegal and you could get arrested for it just like Jan Beemer did. Back in 2001 she got arrested for domestic assault and had to post a $2,500 bond. All the charges were dropped since she agreed to a diversion program.

Okay, some people just don't care to respond to the bond restrictions placed upon them.

After committing so many crimes Jan has just become more efficient and did two in one. If you have a suspended license it's not a good idea to be caught speeding. Jan was out campaigning, probably telling everyone that she is a good moral Christian (not like her opponent a devout Mennonite without a criminal record and spends her spare time helping the poor, not trolling in porn shops). Well she was caught and thrown in jail.

Perhaps her strategy is to commit a bunch of crimes before she gets into office so she can tell everyone that they knew she was a crook when they voted for her so it wouldn't be a surprise if she got caught doing meth with a prostitute or something. Most of her votes will probably come from her work place where she is said to do the minimal amount of work necessary to keep from being fired. Lazy, and a criminal, just the sort of person people in the 86th District don't want to be associated with.

Jan, we'll be missing you in Topeka.

October 31, 2006

Hey Jesus, Let's Go Bowling

The night started with Bunny and I walking into the parking lot behind a mom and three young boys. It was so adorable when one of the boys, around age 6, cried out "I don't want to go to judgement. I don't want to go to judgement house". It was in that adorable whining voice usually reserved for dentist or vaccine appointments. Bunny gave me the look of "What are you taking me to". I just smiled my brilliant toothy grin back. We went in and signed up. As usual, I was running late and we had to wait as walk ins for the next group. So much for reservations.

The room was full. I'd say the easiest way to describe the two different kinds of people waiting would be to call group one the fat girls and group two as the pimply faced teenaged virgin boys who just haven't figured out how to come out of the closet yet. We got to tour the place with the latter.

Our group was finally called up and we went to the pre-tour orientation. The guy who led our group told us that we would learn about a "special" friendship between young boys. This got Bunny and I giggling while raising our eyebrows. I think it may have also excited a boy or two in our group, as one snuck up behind another for a big hug. We were also told that since our group was so big that "we are going to become really close tonight". Bunny and I were both excited at this prospect in this sea of young men, he for his reasons and me for mine.

Well it turned out that "special friendship" meant just that, how disappointing! It was the same that I went to before with other MP's. The boys were childhood friends, joined the army, people died, heaven, hell, blah, blah, and blah.

Once I figured out it was the same script, I decided to find the differences between this Judgement House and others I'd been to. I found that I was rather offended when there was a real flag on the wall which had been written on with a Sharpie. I found a few quotes I liked:

"So when you say you're a friend of Jesus, does that mean you say, like, Hey Jesus let's go bowling, or Hey Jesus, let's go hang out at the Seven-Eleven".

" I can work with idiots, but I'm not going to work with someone with a bad attitude"

"I just want to make it home so I can eat fried chicken" (this while in war)

"Oh Satan, we are winning. They've taken prayer out of schools, there is abortion, sex, and and and ROAD RAGE" That's right, road rage is right up there with homosexuality now.

It was also fantastic that finding out a trainer from my work is also a minion of Satan. So now to answer the two biggest Judgement house questions for the year (drumroll please).

1. JESUS DID NOT WEAR PANTYHOSE THIS YEAR. That's right. I looked at the bare toes of Jesus. I did kindly receive my hug from him as he welcomed me home. When Bunny saw him coming I heard a "Oh No" and think I may have been on the receiving end of a nasty scowl.

2. HEAVEN SMELLED LIKE POOH! We've noticed in the past that various Judgement Houses will assign a different scent to heaven. One year it was cinnamon, another it was vanilla. Well at this one, it was that old generic gradeschool room pooh smell.

After our tour we went to the old prayer room for our debriefing. The guy was kind of hot until he started in with the prayer crap. As usual, he got a little mad when "certain people" weren't bowing their heads with their eyes closed. It finally ended. One kid volunteered to go to an after prayer session, I hope he made it out by now.

Over all it was a usual Judgement House experience. We had fun and laughs afterwards. I learned that you do get a little special attention when you are wear your MP atheist shirt, and your friend wears his Flying spaghetti monster shirt.

I hope that those other kids in our group know that when they do decide to come out of the closet, there are open minded folks like us ready to accept them. We won't compare them to everyday road rage.

By Spunkyflasher

October 30, 2006

Beemer Busted!

Happy Halloween Truth Seekers! This is not some October 31st prank, it's actually true. Sure it may seem strange that a pro-life candidate for Congress who runs on the family values platform would break the law. Yes, it would seem absurd that someone who accuses Dr. George Tiller of sacrificing babies to Babylonian rain gods and makes a past time of looking at pornography would be caught speeding possibily endangering children. Sure, someone who puts campaign signs on people's lawns without their permission and has a history of tax problems certainly wouldn't be driving on an invalid license. Because all of that seems so improbable we had to get a screen shot of Jan Beemer's charges and court date.

Beemer was booked on the 25th and her bond amount was $1,500. That's almost as much money as Beemer took from pro-gambling

We can be certain that Beemer will bring the same sense of responsibility and moral values to the State House should she get elected. After all, she's endorsed by the wife beating Mark Gietzen and the clinic bomber Cheryl Sullenger. So with supporters like these we know that she's sane. Her opponent, Judy Loganbill, has not been endorsed by a wife beater or a clinic bomber. And as far as we know her driver's license hasn't been suspended and she is not going to be spending time in court next month.

But what would be a story without the necessary mugshot. Man, last time I saw Beemer in person she was protesting in front of porn shops, perhaps the exercise did her good because she let herself go. It makes you wonder if the first thing she requested at her booking wasn't a phone call but when the first meal was going to be served. Doesn't she know obesity wastes billions of gallons of gasoline every year? Not only is she insane, dream up kooky conspiracy theories, have an obsession with porn, trespass on people's lawns, hang out with domestic terrorists but she's expanded to helping out foreign terrorists too.

The only good news is that with a record she can apply to work for Phill Kline's office.

Sometimes it's a pain in the ass to travel around and keep track of the local extremist groups. Today I was about to travel out of my way to get a pic of the latest Spirit One Christian Center sign. Back in 2002 they used their tax-exempt sign to post an anti-Sebelius campaign ad. Being that Governor Sebelius is seeking re-election it wouldn't be surprising that Mark Holick, defrocked pastor of Spirit One, would campaign for her opponent. Yes, it is a pain but thankfully Holick was considerate enough to send out an e-mail with a couple photos of his sign.

In the first one Spirit One thinks Dr. Tiller provided $300,000 to Seblius. Apparently the cost of an abortion is $300, it must be the bulk rate. The second is against District Attorney Paul Morrison who is the only qualified candidate running for Attorney General against the sex obsessed Mark Foley, oops, I mean Phill Kline. There isn't any financial total because Holick can't point to any actual donations from Dr. Tiller to Morrison.

The third is one taken from the Wichita Eagle which happened during the primary. Spirit One supported Ken Canfield because he was a fellow extremist and Barnett just didn't meet the crazy quota. However in the general election Holick figures Barnett is crazy enough since he picked Susan Wagle for his Lt. Governor.

Is all this legal? Well no, it isn't. Tax laws say tax-exempt property can't be used to endorse or oppose a candidate. However, that isn't all the Spirit One chose to violate. In their e-mail they sent out they encourage people to pass out partisan voter guides which are apparently put out by Kansas For Life's PAC. KFL isn't violating the law since they are a registered PAC and can be partisan, Spirit One is a tax-exempt church and cannot. It's the sort of thing that caused the Christian Coalition to lose their tax-exempt status so many years ago.

Hold on, there's more. Mark Holick sent out an e-mail about a letter written by nutjob attorney Donald McKinney. You may recognize McKinney, he's the guy who said the Maggot Punks are a bunch of murderers and thieves. Although he thinks this he hasn't reported any of us to the law.

In the e-mail McKinney goes on some insane rant which is about as annoying as his guitar playing. In the e-mail he tells people that Morrison is the evil anti-christ or something and tells people not to support him. Well, McKinney can do that, but Spirit One can't send out the e-mail since it's an endorsement for Phill Kline.

So what are the Maggot Punks doing? Well heck, we're sending it all to the Internal Revenue Service of course. Hopefully with this overwhelming evidence Spirit One's tax-exempt status will go the same way as Operation Rescue West's tax-exempt status.

All these actions are just more evidence of the desperation of the Kline campaign. Kline went to speak at Spirit One at least two times. Also, a memo of Kline's was leaked out (Kline accused the Morrison campaign of being behind this, but like creationists, have no evidence) which encouraged pastors to round up sheep and fleece their money to be given to the Kline campaign.

Kline is no stranger to corruption. He's willfully violate campaign laws and cause churches to lose their tax-exempt status for his own politicial and financial gain. He'll hire terrorists and give financial favors to family members. The other alternative is Paul Morrison, a qualified candidate for Attorney General who, unlike Kline, actually practices law and puts people like Kline, Holick and Troy Newman behind bars.

Book of the month: The Sinner's Guide to the Evangelical Right by Robert Lanham

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